Email Woes

Having changed over to DSL and acquiring a new email address a little over a year ago, my inbox has been blissfully bereft of spam.

Well, I have finally been discovered on the grid, just in time for Phishing season.

I was urgently notified by Wells Fargo that I must check my account. Urgently. Well, I don't even have a Wells Fargo account. I urgently turned the email over to Wells Fargo fraud division.

I have won the UK Lotto three times in the last month. Yay, me. I didn't even know I bought tickets. I am so full of win.

Nigerians are desperately seeking my help in transferring ginormous amounts of money that used to belong to some poor shelp who was killed in some tragic tiger incident six years ago, and now his money is collecting dust in some bank. What ever should we do with it? We know! Ask some American if they'd like it.

My Stimulus check is in the mail, and I can arrange for the IRS to direct deposit the funds in my bank account. No, sorry, keep the money. I wouldn't want to appear as a Socialist by accepting. You know, "spreading the wealth" and all. Besides, "Stimulus Checks" was soooooo last May.

My favorite, the one that I received today wasn't really phishing spam, since it was from Publisher's Clearing House, and I do sometimes dabble in their sweepstakes. It urged me to be prepared in case the "Prize Patrol" were to show up on my doorstep.

"Are you a crier, a screamer, or a silent gasper?, it asked. Wow, that sounds like a really lame pick up line.

"Just like those winners who are surprised on TV, you could find out". Um, I'll be the overweight, middle-aged, caftan-wearing hausfrau who's in desperate need of a haircut, trying to keep my corgis from bumrushing your van and attacking your celebratory balloons. The sounds I'd be making wouldn't pass the FCC sensors, so in answer to the question, I guess I'm a "beeper".

But, if it wasn't for Spam, I wouldn't have any email at all.