I mentioned way back in time on this blog that I had started taking Paxil for depression, and as a result, I felt that it had really dampened my ability to write. Talking this over to one of my aunts over breakfast the other day, she asked, "Is it worth it?"
I have really given that question a lot of thought.
I would say if I were an author, one who made a life from writing, then unequivocally no. Definitely not worth not being depressed if a paycheck or a publisher were in play. Obviously in my case, that isn't the case. I'm just a lowly blogger in a sea of many other bloggers in the vast water-covered world that is the Internet.
Recently, I was reading an article on the Internet which asked the question, "Where does your blogging voice come from?" Which of course I then asked myself,
"Lisa, where does your blogging voice come from?" Quickly the answer came..."From my internal dialogue, of course."
And, of course, it was my internal dialogue that came up with the answer. The one that was always there...when I'm depressed, when I'm feeling neutral. When I'm drunk. When I'm sober. It's always there. It's there when I am singing made up lyrics to the songs playing on my iPod. It's there when I'm sitting outside, watching the birds and bunnies in my yard. It's even there when I'm falling asleep at night.
Although I will not ever share those here.
Anti-depressants never shut off the my internal dialogue, I've discovered. If anything, they may have shut down that part in my brain that feels the need to exclaim on a public forum, "Hey, there's bunnies in my yard! I wish you were here to see them with me!"
Because, isn't that what a blog is about? Inviting *you* to see what I see? Feel what I feel? Even if it's only one person who happens to stumble by?
And, yes, the bunnies are really cute! One is digging in the clover...